Gaining Confidence

I have my art therapy group again tonight and I realise that I haven't blogged about it for a couple of weeks so I better write a little bit before I leave the house for tonight's session. I missed the fourth session because my friend, who has kindly offered to take care of my son while I attend, was sick, but I hear they had an interesting experience doing silent group work, multiple people working on the same piece! For the fifth session last week we began by drawing with both hands again, then were to draw the rain as it fell. How interesting it was to see how differently we portrayed rain! The third exercise was to draw our energy at the time. I felt very fresh and new, and a little quiet and timid, so I drew a girl in a pink dress holding balloons. Her teddy sat on the bed behind her. After the warm ups we delved into the main project for the evening. We were to pick one or more of the statements on the board and do a related artwork. Some were related to childhood memories and the path of life. I chose one that said "A time you made a successful step toward independence". My first vision was a sillouhette of a woman (me I suppose) in a flowing rainbow dress dancing barefoot next to the beach. I remembered the time before I met my current partner when I was discovering myself. I drew the black figure looking upwards with hair blowing backwards, the dress billowing below in various colours of purple. Flowers were blooming in a tree next to me and I was barefoot on the grass with the beach to my left. It wa s time I did a lot of paintings related to seeds so I wrote "Seed" and "Dance in the center of the circle" because I consciously made an effort to belong and began dancing at the center of dance events rather than at the periphery and amazingly as soon as I decided I belonged, I did. I made more friends, I had a lot of interest from potential suitors, etc.

After revisiting that powerful time in my past I then began a collage about a previous partner, someone I was in a passionate and tumultuous affair with for seven years off and on before finally breaking away. My heart was broken again and again but I continued to be drawn to him because he showed me that I could love and be loved deeply. I began by drawing a big black zig-zaggedy line down the center. To the left I placed images that reminded me of the time I spent with him, my career at the time, feelings of ecstasy and pain, of shoulds, attachment, anger and loss. To the right were images of female strength and indepence, women standing proudly, naked, firm, being individuals, confident and centered etc. I didn't envision the project and then make it, rather it just developed through the process of making and there was so much power in it. I lost myself in the making more than in any previous project. And the product (and process for that matter) reminded me of my own strength, of what I have been through before and to where I have come, of who I am deep down on my own regardless of partner. It was amazing. I am feeling quite strong these days, stronger than in a long time but also must let go of control, have faith to let the journey unfold how it will. So we will see where tonight takes me! Happy Creating.

Love and Peace XX