Creative expression is as essential for my health as sleep, exercise, meditation, and eating well, but as a working mother I find that I rarely have adequate time for any of these endeavours. Since I was a little girl, creative projects have been my lifeline. My childhood wasn't easy so I found solace in drawing and painting, writing stories and poems, school art projects in a variety of media from photography to pottery and from sculpture to batik. I was always singing, dancing, and playing out a dramatic fantasy world created by my sister and me, but as I became a woman, I let practical concerns, relationships, and fear take the place of creative expression. I dropped out of art school with excuses of wanting a broader education but in reality I just couldn't see myself in a career that would require me to be judged so often, or to be creative within strict deadlines. My heart broke in design class when my projects didn't live up to my prof's expectations, expectations he had from my status as one of his star pupils in drawing class. Instead of navigating my way through my emotional mess, I became blocked and wandered away from my creative self, focusing more on exploring the world and trying to save it than on expressing myself. Art became a fluffy thing, sidelined by the weight of the world.
I have ventured back now and then via taking an art or dance class, creatively cooking, doing an odd painting here and there, delighting in a creative gift idea, or creating my own fashions out of garage sale finds, but ironically it wasn't until the birth of my son, when I suddenly had less time than ever to create, that I developed a stronger urge than ever to express myself creatively. Now I have a two year old who demands 110% of my attention lest he destroy the house, hurt himself or me, a partner who is rarely home due to his job, a demanding management position in the caring profession, two family members disabled by mental illness and although I love them all intensely I struggle with not having an ounce of time I can count on for myself, time needed to contemplate, read, write, meditate, paint, to center myself and listen for insight.
I steal moments to write while my son is napping, a luxury that is nearing its end as he gets old enough to make it through the day without one, or I wake before the sun to savour a moment in meditation, creation, or exercise before my little ray of sunshine wakes. But this is done with an ear to the wind, waiting for that moment I will hear the door open and the pitter-patter of feet scurrying to the top of the stairs, disrupting the quiet and engaging my heart. So, the only time I can find to focus whole-heartedly on creative expression is when I take time off work or put my son in yet more childcare, which is difficult to do very often. Nevertheless it is definitely time to find my way back to a creative life however I can and this blog will be my journal along the way. I hope you will join me on the journey. I will be posting tidbits of creative ideas, interesting reads and finds, insights, projects, etc.
Love and Peace xx
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